My Humble Proposal for the 28th Amendment

Our government is a catastrophe. Orange Glowy Face is a dangerous con man who stokes the fears and angers of racists, xenophobes, homophobes, sexists and whatever vocal minority hate group he can Tweet at. Our Congress is populated by corrupt millionaires and political whores luring lobbyists for the biggest bribes they can get. Our state legislatures and governors are rife with the same.

We’re told over and over to sign petitions, call or write our congressmen, and most importantly to vote in every election, no matter how small.

And yet it continues to get worse.

Something’s not working, and I think it’s the Constitution.

I humbly propose a 28th amendment that will slice the corporate-owned, gerrymandered heart out of American government. This amendment would be very simple: Candidates and elected officials cannot take any outside money…for anything, ever.  

Aside from the aforementioned strategies for correcting the course of misguided legislative, executive and judicial branches, we’re only given one meager tool: impeachment. The problem is, that requires the actual legislators to formally impugn and punish one of their own. The odds against that happening grow more astronomical every election cycle.

Besides, to a great many Americans, an impeachment isn’t going to cut it. I mean, not unless we can impeach an entire administration and both major political parties and forbid them from passing or changing any legislation, or taking any kind of outside money. If that were possible, we would also insist on a round of new elections, immediately.

Regrettably, that’s not an option by current legal standards. None of that would be currently Constitutional. With all due respect for the Constitution, that’s the problem with it right now: There is no way to recall a president or members of Congress, but we have tons of laws supposedly based on the Constitution that enrich and empower the wealthy while reducing the rest of our lives to debt and ash.

Even among those not protesting in the streets, most Americans would agree that politicians are living far too well and the rest of us far, far worse.

I’m going to be even more presumptuous here and speak for those who are protesting and those who would like to. I could be totally wrong, but we’re being asked for clarity from the skeptics among us.

The most crucial demand is this: Americans protesting in the streets want to fix the guidelines of employment for our elected officials. 

U.S. citizens want the ability to say, ya know, most of us have great reservations about you doing awful shit, and we’re going to have a referendum on whether or not you get to stay. By the way, the recalls would be strictly popular vote, bub. 

To that end, I humbly propose a 28th amendment that will slice the corporate-owned, gerrymandered heart out of American government.  This amendment would be very simple: Candidates and elected officials cannot take any outside money…for anything, ever.  

Furthermore, any elected official can be recalled if a petition gathers over two-thirds the number of votes they received in the general election.

Like other countries, the civilized and democratic ones especially, U.S. citizens want the ability to say, ya know, most of us have great reservations about you doing awful shit, and we’re going to have a referendum on whether or not you get to stay. By the way, the recalls would be strictly popular vote, bub.  And if we say you go, you’re whole administration goes. Your crony VP. Everybody.

The same recall process would apply to Congress and state governments. If you’re doing awful shit, we can immediately referendum your ass out.

Those who incessantly decry taking action because of the national budget should look at what we’re getting for that debt.  Nada. Vast income inequality, disastrous national morale, endless bitterness and frustration.  Yet, we are a hugely rich country. We can fucking afford this. 

Someone, somewhere is ready to piss and moan about how expensive this would be. Really? Under the current system, last year politicians running for president managed to waste  over a billion dollars between the two most unpopular presidential candidates in history. Since our new 28th amendment would eliminate any chance for politicians to take any money from outside sources, and since we’ll just give them each, say, $5 million to run their entire campaigns, I think holding a second presidential election would be a fucking bargain. As for Congress, those fuckers will have to do with $200,000 per. And if they bitch, we’ll fine them the entire amount and leave them to run on their own dime.

Those who incessantly decry taking action because of the national budget should look at what we’re getting for that debt.  Nada. Vast income inequality, disastrous national morale, endless bitterness and frustration.  Yet, we are a hugely rich country. We can fucking afford this. Hell, the rest of the world will probably be so delighted that we might stop bombing them they’d help out. At the very least, they’d give us some better PR.

So, take the vice clamps off your wallets, unpinch your sphincters and stop listening to Grover Fucking Norquist absolutists. National debt is like a mortgage. You almost always have one and that’s okay because you have a place to live. And from the looks of this house, we need to do some serious remodeling. Let’s invest in it.

It all starts with creating the Constitutional process for swift and thorough recalls of corrupt or undemocratic administrations, federally and at the state level. Think of it as a right-to-work-for-America law, but for politicians: We don’t like you. That’s all we need. Buh-bye.

It’s a big ask, and it isn’t something that we will get from 99.9% of our politicians willingly. Just look at the despicable and shameless state government of South Dakota which declared a “state of emergency” to repeal a  one-month-old anti-corruption law. No, no one is going to give us back the power to run our own government. They’ll just hope you and I get distracted by the presidential tweets, the blithering nonsense of mainstream news, fictional press statements, blah blah blah. They will call you impractical, unreasonable, naive, wasteful, imprudent, crazy, unpatriotic, radical, etc., for even considering such drastic measures. Hell, they’ll probably just tell you “No, never!” straight to your face. Then they’ll vote themselves a goddam raise.

Fuck ‘em. Let’s build the electoral version of a guillotine for corrupt, dangerous politicians who managed to get elected. I suggest we start at the top with Orange Glowy Face, but move quickly down the entire org chart.

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