The Pee-Pee President

Yesterday’s “bombshell” news rumor that the Russian government has videotapes of Donald Trump paying prostitutes to give each other “golden showers” has me giggling almost uncontrollably. Is it news? It’s veracity is highly questionable, which means no. Is it much needed lightness in an otherwise dismal time in the United States? Hell to the yeah!

Hehehehehe.

Journalists I trust are rightfully questioning the integrity of the story. Well, yeah. Could it be true? Sure! This is Donald Trump, remember. He’s made his reputation as a guy who will do anything to shock and upset. Paying some Russian prostitutes to urinate on each other seems right in character. Is the source of the information trustworthy? Probably not. But in the world that corporate news media and Trump have wrought, that doesn’t matter one whit.

This story has legs, not as journalism, but as razor sharp satire and ridicule of the character that Trump has made of himself. Put aside the braggadocio and what you’re left with is a human being without the guardrails of maturity, a putrescent spoiled rotten child. And the notion of this man-child wanting to play pee-pee games fits right in with that portrayal.

Dear god, it’s soooo funny. Hehehehehe.

What makes it even funnier is Little Lord Trumpster’s frantic Twitter response:

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I think he meant “wizz hunt.” Hehehehe.

His utter loss of his trademark snarky humor is the first indication that this got to him, as satire and ridicule usually do with egomaniacal tyrants. He has to realize that no amount of time or rational discrediting of the source is going to make this go away. This is the kind of “burn” that has staying power, mostly because it’s so goddamn fucking hilarious and because it cuts through all the supposed strength and confidence of the huckster and realigns his behavior with a more likely paradigm: the aforementioned brat with a potty fascination.

Hehehehehe. Oh, damn. Hehehehehe.

Yes, this is (very likely) nothing more than a smear campaign by DNC operatives and their pals in the intelligence community and the corporate press. This kind of “reporting” (the Russian pee-pee tapes, I mean) has no place in a world of honest journalism. Sadly, however, we no longer live in that world.

Yet, this particular smear was delightfully funny, my god. The images it conjures, while gross, tickle me to the core. Our overbearing, insulting, disrespectful president elect paying people to pee for him, well, that’s an image (and an insight!) that Orange Glowy Face will NEVER be able to get out of my head. And for that, I am sooooooo grateful.

All hail, Donald J. Trump, the Pee-Pee President!

We are going to wiz so much we are going to get tired of wizzing!

He’s #1! He’s #1!

Oh, my god, my sides hurt.

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